on independence and relationships.
I’ve always been independent. That came out when I stepped on board a flight to Atlanta, tears trickling down my cheeks, that would ultimately take me to Jordan. I was gone for three months, and I was fine.
I have a boyfriend. That is weird to say, and weird to think about, and weird to talk about. I haven’t gotten used to having this other person who wants to spend time with me and wants to hang out on Monday nights and buys me tulips for my birthday.
This whole independent, I’m-fine-on-my-own thing is directly opposite what’s going on right now, particularly with having a boyfriend. (Yep. Still weird to say it.) I’m used to doing whatever I want. I mean, I have parents, of course, but for the most part, if I feel like staying home and reading, I can do that. If I want to hide in my room all evening long and listen to music, that’s okay. And now here he is, on his way to pick me up for dinner, and it’s so weird. I feel like part of me likes dating him, and the other part is just like, “go away, I need my space.” On Saturday night, I spent two hours at a park with my best friend. We sat on the swings and ate ice cream and talked. It’s been a long time since I’ve really talked with her about everything that’s going on. In those two hours, we covered everything from him, my plans for next year, and her family. That, also, was weird in a good way. I’m not used to telling her everything, and it was strange to let it all out, and tell her everything that’s going on.
Maybe it’s the independence that’s a part of me, or maybe it’s just not wanting to make myself vulnerable, but that’s what’s been happening lately: dinners at his house, intense conversations on the swing sets, and maybe trading some of that independence for something better.
Have there been any changes for the better in your life recently?