4.10.2012

on independence and relationships.



I’ve always been independent. That came out when I stepped on board a flight to Atlanta, tears trickling down my cheeks, that would ultimately take me to Jordan. I was gone for three months, and I was fine.

I have a boyfriend. That is weird to say, and weird to think about, and weird to talk about. I haven’t gotten used to having this other person who wants to spend time with me and wants to hang out on Monday nights and buys me tulips for my birthday.

This whole independent, I’m-fine-on-my-own thing is directly opposite what’s going on right now, particularly with having a boyfriend. (Yep. Still weird to say it.) I’m used to doing whatever I want. I mean, I have parents, of course, but for the most part, if I feel like staying home and reading, I can do that. If I want to hide in my room all evening long and listen to music, that’s okay. And now here he is, on his way to pick me up for dinner, and it’s so weird. I feel like part of me likes dating him, and the other part is just like, “go away, I need my space.” On Saturday night, I spent two hours at a park with my best friend. We sat on the swings and ate ice cream and talked. It’s been a long time since I’ve really talked with her about everything that’s going on. In those two hours, we covered everything from him, my plans for next year, and her family. That, also, was weird in a good way. I’m not used to telling her everything, and it was strange to let it all out, and tell her everything that’s going on.

Maybe it’s the independence that’s a part of me, or maybe it’s just not wanting to make myself vulnerable, but that’s what’s been happening lately: dinners at his house, intense conversations on the swing sets, and maybe trading some of that independence for something better.



Have there been any changes for the better in your life recently?


xo,
katie

16 comments:

  1. I'm so independent like this. I would rather do everything on my own, and not have to bother with other people most days. But there are also times when I realize that the best days of my life have been spent laughing/talking with others. That brings me out of my shell.

    Nothing much... except I'm *this* close to getting my license :D

    xo,
    Jessica @ Diary of a Beautiful Soul

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  2. you have a boyfriend? -commence the stalking here- yay you! also, your mug = yes.
    i suppose i'm independent. i haven't really thought about it, but this post is really having me think. lovely, dear :))
    -jocee <3

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  3. so happy for you, Katie :)

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  4. I'm not independent. I very much need friends and people and friends around me all the time. Sometimes, of course, I like to be off on my own, but most of the time I would be happy to have a party with my friends.

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  5. Independence is so important. I want to live on my own when I'm older, or at least know that if I had to, I could, because I was comfortable and happy being by myself.
    And yay for a boyfriend! :)

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  7. I know what you mean. For me, I always wanted to be independent. I always looked forward to moving out, but now that I’m getting older, and sometime I’ll be going away to college and what-not, I almost don’t want to be independent. But I said almost.;) I’ve been to Jordan! I loved it there!

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  8. Thanks for being so honest with us in this post.
    I think sometimes we use our independence to hide and protect ourselves. It's really a scary thing to be vulnerable and expose yourself to others. When I started to tear down my walls and be open to those who are close to me I was actually growing in independence. It sounds a bit silly but I didn't have to be so dependent on TRYING to be so independent. heheh does that make sense?

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  9. i totally get what you're saying here. and it's perfectly normal to feel the two things at once. frustrating, yes, but normal.
    but i'm really independent--on my own, doing my own thing, not under the pressure of needing to please anybody. and i like it that way :)

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    1. This sounds SO much like how I was for a while. I've had a boyfriend for two and a half years, and for the longest time, I pretty much avoided him because I had been brought up being very independent and capable of doing things by myself. So when this guy comes in and tries to start helping me with things... well. lol thankfully I got used to giving up my independence for, like what you said, something better.

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  10. I suppose I'm more of an independent soul...I thrive on friendship, but I also need to be alone, doing things just by myself sometimes. xx.

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  11. Dittttto. This post war awesome enough, that I even got out of my google reader to comment on it. :)

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    1. aww, I feel so special. you're amazing, girly :)

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  12. Oh how much I can relate to this post! I too feel that I can easily live on my own if I want to, but sharing life with other people is what we are created for.

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